Durian, I hate you.

Actual image of my reaction to durian.

Durian

Everybody knows the Super Mario Bros, but what does it have to do with Indonesia? Let me tell you.

I was driving up to Pare with my friend one day, not paying much attention to the roadside kiosks, warungs as they call them, until I saw something alarming hanging from strings on several of these little shops. It looked like Bowser, the ultimateboss from Mario.

It was a durian.

Some durian pretending to be innocent and unconcious.

The so called "King of Fruit" is actually more like the evil spiky turle-like emperor of fruit. The durian looks like an poisonous dream-devouring spawn of Bowser and smells like a monsters armpit.

It really makes me wonder, who was the first person to put that stuff in their mouth?

"No, the durian is good! Come on, you have to taste it!" Ummm yeah, let me put that in my calendar on year 10 012.

Illustration of Bowser.

Well ok. It is too strange a fruit to pass by, I must taste it. They say that the taste is creamy and "surpasses in flavour all the other fruit in the world." But I'm sure it's just as beastly inside as it is on the outside.

Now, as always, I have a story to tell, this time about the vile intentions of durian. Yesterday I had some lunch at a roadside restaurant (curiously also called a warung). As I was entering the establishment, I was stopped by a sock-twisting smell.

A dead durian on the ground had gained my attention.

This man has not heard of Durian.

I stepped closer. I stood there for a moment making sure it is not moving anymore. Then, just as I crouched down to better inspect the insides of the still intimidating corpse something wicked happened.

My necklace, which I got from my mother, which presents a Maori symbol for nothing less than the continuity of life itself, without no apparent reason suddenly obliterated to pieces on the ground. Embarrassed, succumbed, I kneeled to pick up the pieces of what was now stained in mud and shame.

I could sense the durians last breath and an despising smile on its.. well, face.

I shall have my revenge. This week I shall eat one of these condensations-of-despair-and-hate. Let's see who's laughing then.

It might just be I enjoy the taste afterall.